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This has been eating at me for a while. My boyfriend and I have been dating close to 5 years. I have always wanted a dog, but unfortunately, was unable to afford one. I am in a slightly better financial situation now, but having one would make things tight. Initially, when we started dating, he didn’t want a dog, so my dreams of owning one were shot. Within the last year or so, he has been more open to owning a dog. He occasionally would ask me to look at breeders and online shelter sites for dogs. However, around the time of my birthday, he suggested that he buy the dog as a birthday present for me, but he will not be a co-owner of it. Meaning—-he does not want the responsibility, especially the financial one. He claims he wants to avoid all fights—what name to give the dog, when the dog should be groomed, when to take the dog to the vet, what kind of food it should eat, etc. I keep trying to explain to him that this is a learning experience to learn how to compromise, but he is so stubborn—he feels I will not compromise with the dog. As such, he wants to relinquish the responsibility of owning one. He says he will “love and care for the dog, and help buy food, but it will not be mine”. So—–vet bills, pet insurance, and everything else falls on me.
This hurts me. We both don’t want children, or to get married, so he will not inherit the dog once married, and share our bank accounts like other people. The financial burden will solely fall on me while he simply enjoys playing with the dog. I am unsure as to what to do. In addition to the financial burden, I also would like to share the dog with him. We recently dogsat a friend’s Shih Tzu while she was on vacation, and he fell in love with the dog for the 3 weeks we had her. He was excited to come home from work and play with the dog every single day. He became a dog person within those weeks of watching her. In fact, he teared up when my friend picked her up, and for a short period, he asked me to look at puppies in shelters.
Is this a thing in some relationships? A couple lives with each other, shares most things, but the dog is solely the responsibility of one partner? I don’t know anyone who lives like this. When I have talked about this with family and friends, they all feel the same way that I do—hurt and disappointed that he is not willing to compromise and work this out.
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Hello! This is a hard one. From the looks of it he really wants a dog and you really want a dog. I would try looking on craigslist for a dog. I have got several dogs on craigslist for free that where awesome dogs. Maybe if you got one for a good price or even free on craigslist and brought it home that he would fall in love with it. Most likely you would see him feeding the dog, taking the dog potty outside, and taking the dogs on walks. I got a nice German shepherd blue heeler mix on craigslist for $10. That was an awesome dog. You don’t need to spend $750 or more on a pure bred. Especially if it doesn’t work out. There are many people who are moving and can’t take there dog with them. So, they are giving there beloved pet away for free at the price that the dog goes to a good home. Hope this helps! Please tell me how it goes.
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I am so sorry! I had an ex who didn’t really want a dog and when she would do something he didn’t agree with he would last out at the 11.5lb dog who he knew was a part of me when we married.
Many years after we divorced I/we met a man who was relatively nobcommital about my dog but wound up taking her out to potty, cuddling with her, and basically loving her beyond belief.
Several years after her passing we moved states and got a rescue. Our whole family, 7yr old son included, is devoted to her.I guess from my story, I look at yours and see a man who doesn’t want a dog and has the chance of losing his temper if the dog ‘misbehaves.’ If I had know then, what I know now, I would have avoided the few guys I dated who didn’t fawn over my dog.
After so many years, I believe it is a real tell when someone doesn’t want the unconditional love that is given by a ‘canine.’ I have a son and his love and devotion is on par with our adopted dog.
Man must have a gentle spirit to understand and respect the gentleness within all of nature. One whom shies away should not be asked to join lives and spirites with the creatures around us!
Good Luck and please keep us posted
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Toledo, United States.
