If dogs could access the internet, they’d have their paws all over Google, furiously typing away at all the important questions that have been gnawing at their furry little brains. From culinary concerns to mysteries of the universe, here’s a sneak peek at the search history you’d find if your dog ever got hold of your Wi-Fi password.
- “How to get 2 dinners”
Forget about fetching; your dog’s ultimate trick is figuring out how to score that second dinner. Whether it’s perfecting the “I’m starving” look or strategically positioning themselves next to the fridge, they’ll be researching all the hacks. - “Is it legal to split treats in half?”
Splitting a treat in half is a crime against dogdom, and your dog is on a mission to get to the bottom of this injustice. Somewhere in the dog constitution, there must be a rule against this cruel and unusual punishment. - “How to steal chicken without anyone noticing”
The ultimate heist. Your dog’s been working on stealth-mode techniques: silent paw steps, ninja-level sneaking, and the right moment to pounce on that unattended chicken. - “Where do treats come from?”
This one keeps them up at night. Treats just appear, but where from? A magical land where good boys and girls are always rewarded, or a cosmic force only known to humans? - “What does going to the V-E-T mean?”
Dogs know something’s up when those letters are spelled out. They’ll search tirelessly to understand why every “V-E-T” visit leads to cold metal tables, strange smells, and someone poking their butt. - “Where does my human go during the day?”
It’s one of the biggest mysteries in a dog’s life. Do you chase squirrels at a park all day? Are you at a secret treat store? Why won’t you just stay home and belly rub 24/7? - “Why do humans talk to me in baby voice?”
Your dog has long been perplexed by the sudden shift from normal human conversation to squeaky high-pitched nonsense. Google better have an answer, because your dog’s been nodding along and wagging their tail for years now. - “Can I eat this?”
No context necessary. A dog’s inquisitive nature about food knows no bounds, and they’ll Google everything from the remote control to a questionable piece of sidewalk gum. - “How to delete cat’s Instagram account”
Jealousy runs deep, and if your dog notices that fluffy feline getting more likes, they’ll definitely be plotting to take that account down. - “Why does my tail follow me everywhere?”
After years of confusion, your dog is desperate to know why they can’t escape the suspicious tail that seems to appear whenever they turn around. This is a top-priority search. - “What is a ‘bath,’ and why do humans think I need one?”
Dogs will never understand the human obsession with cleanliness. They’ve worked hard to smell like the outdoors, and all of a sudden, you’re tossing them in a tub? Ridiculous. - “How to open the fridge with my paws”
Your dog is tired of depending on you for every meal. They’re researching ways to become fully self-sufficient, and step one is gaining access to the glorious bounty inside that fridge. - “Why do squirrels hate me?”
No matter how hard they try, dogs just can’t catch a break (or a squirrel). Your dog’s convinced that squirrels are hiding an ancient vendetta and are actively taunting them. They’re looking for answers…and revenge. - “Best hiding spots for chewing shoes”
Because sometimes, a dog just can’t resist that sweet, leathery goodness. Now they need to figure out the best place to stash the evidence before you find out. - “How to make humans drop food on purpose”
Your dog knows that sometimes, food mysteriously falls from your plate, but why not make it happen all the time? They’re looking for strategies to increase their accidental snack intake—purely for research purposes, of course.
And there you have it—your dog’s secret Google search history, revealed! Just be glad they don’t have access to Amazon Prime, or you’d have 50 bags of treats showing up at your door daily.
Toledo, United States.
