Howdy, y’all! Barnaby here. I figure most of you young pups are still lounging around the house with your humans. Curling up in bed with your favorite human is a special treat that not all pups get the privilege of doing. If you’re one of the lucky dogs like me, there is a lot to be said about the way you sprawl out. If you’re a snuggling snoozer, check out what your sleeping position says about you!
The Foot Fondler
This sleeping position can be quite nice… if you live outdoors in a Siberian forest. The Foot Fondler is the kind of dog who likes to always be at the foot of the bed. They might sneak in a toe sniff here and there. Dogs who sleep in this position are typically a little sketchy. Like, they’re cute and all, but they eat cat poop and stand inside bushes when they pee. If you’re a Foot Fondler, your family loves you but they often wonder where they went wrong.
Key traits: Scruffy, bizarre, questionable morals
The Neck Warmer
Ah, the sweethearts. Neck Warmers are the most gentle and loving of us dogs. If you’re a Neck Warmer, you’ve probably been hurt in the past. You’re grateful for the life you have now and the love your human gives you unconditionally. Neck Warmers like to stretch their necks across their humans, where they can feel their heartbeat as they sleep. These dogs get all the ladies and snuggles.
Key traits: Loving, gentle, selfless
The Exhibitionist
Watch out! These dogs are wild cards! They like to climb into the center of the bed and then flip over onto their back spread eagle. Exhibitionists are carefree and willing to try anything once. They truly are man’s best friend. You never know what these daring doggies will do next!
Key traits: Carefree, relaxed, adventurous
The Whole Hog
A Whole Hog is the canine equivalent of a “manspreader”. They have absolutely no regard for personal space. All that matters is their comfort right there, right now. Whole Hogs like to lay sideways in the bed so that their humans only have three inches of space before they roll off. They’re notorious for using their hind legs to push their humans further apart, driving a wedge between couples faster than an overbearing mother-in-law. Whole hogs are selfish (but also adorable so everyone just puts up with them).
Key traits: Moody, opinionated, strong-willed
The Pillow Pilfer
Pillow Pilfers climb up onto pillows, spin around three times, and then curl up on top. They’re the cherry on top of your freshly made bed. They think the world revolves around them (and they’re not wrong).
Key traits: high maintenance, sassy, concise
The Prairie Dog
Prairie Dogs are high-strung. Their sleep is categorized as restless. They spend an unusual amount of time burrowing under blankets, crawling around like a groundhog, only to re-emerge seconds later with their head outside the blanket. Then they’ll do it all over again. Prairie Dogs make good companions but they can be unpredictable.
Key traits: High-strung, indecisive, adventurous
The Lone Wolf
Lone Wolfs are invited to sleep in the human’s bed but choose not to. They’d rather sleep on a rug or pile of clothes. They’re free spirits and live life with no clear path.
Key traits: Easy going, quiet, protective
What sleeping position are you guilty of? As for me, I’m a bit of a Lone Wolf with elements of a Neck Warmer.
This is Barnaby signing off! Remember, it’s illegal to move a sleeping dog so if you just close your eyes, they’ll leave you alone.
Toledo, United States.
