Do I get to walk the red carpet?

A MUST READ!
The big dog doesn’t know it but I’ve been reading his magazines up on the Kitchen Table when he’s not home.
Reading this stuff I’ve noticed something about the Big Dog’s breed. His kind celebrates people not with talent, skill, meaningful accomplishment or moral fiber, but rather those who have a really good back story involving deep, dark emotional conflict, and framing their past life experiences through a lens of hardship leading to some sort of redemption through whatever they are dong, singing, dancing, acting or whatever.
Having observed this here’s my TRUE story.
I was born into indentured servitude as a sexual slave for breeding purposes only. My masters starved me in the lurid belief that by stunting my growth they could pass off my offspring as the pups of a toy poodle and command a premium price. This was a deeply dark time in my life. After forcing me to breed under unsavory conditions they could no longer hide the fact that I was becoming a larger miniature poodle where upon the horror of it they had me mutilated (neutered) and cast me off. I became a recue dog passed from home to home.
Seriously underweight emotionally scared and suffering from deep dark conflicting feelings about the world around me I almost died!
This is when my current pack’s Alpha Female found me and saw fit to bring me into her den and feed and care for me. I remember my initial ride home with her. We got in this big yellow car that looked like a big bird. It was loud and vibrated a lot. I seemed like hours passed before we arrived at my new den. At first I was wary of them due to my history with their kind, hiding any food they gave me. Over a very long time, I found a friend in Coco, my poodle house mate and found a kind streak in the Big Dog and his pack. Ultimately I found salvation and redemption in reinventing myself and finding a place in this new pack devoting my life to showering unconditional love and entertaining the Big Dog and all his kind.
Yah, Yah, that’s the ticket, It’s all true, well at least most of it, can I go to Hollywood now? Do I get to walk the red carpet?
Woof – Max!