I was Homeschooled by Abby

ABBY’S OBSERVATIONS: Humans send their babies to school for way too long. Maybe because they’re slow learners. If I had to go to school for years, I might be dead before I learned everything I needed to be a good girl. Everything my sister Dixie needed to know, she was taught her in puppy kindergarten. Grandpa home schooled me. Here’s everything you’ve gotta know:

• Don’t pee and poop in the house; although it smells great, mom will get mad and you’ll get put outside
• When you’re on a walk, don’t pull on your leash – you’ll choke yourself and dad won’t walk any faster anyway
• Stay close to mom and dad all the time
• Sit down when you’re told to
• Don’t ever bite anyone smaller than you are; if it’s a person, don’t bite one of any size at all (unless you’re an adorable little puppy and teething – then you can chew fingers and ear lobes)
• Stay put when you’re told to even if you want to follow along; it’s okay to whine so you get a treat
• Don’t sniff somebody’s private parts or you’ll get put outside
• Don’t take off running into the road or you might get squished by a car
• Lay down when you’re told to; I don’t know why that’s a big deal with people, but it is
• Don’t jump up on humans; they don’t like it and you’ll get put outside
• Come when mom or dad calls and don’t make them call more than five or six times (a little Abby joke!)
• Tell mom or dad when you have to potty
• Quit barking when mom or dad tell you to (I need a little more work on this one)
• Stop doing whatever you’re doing when somebody yells STOP THAT or you’ll get put outside
• Don’t beg at the table (I need a little more work on this one too)
• Don’t chew stuff up unless mom or dad gives it to you

And there you have it. Do all of these and you’ll get gravy bones!